I Dream of Doing Yoga

I dream of doing yoga
But I worry I may fart
My downward dog emitting
A shame inducing parp

I’d love to do Pilates
But I’m terrified I’ll boff
If I relax so much my bowels relax
And set a gas explosion off

I have attempted meditation
But my efforts hit a bump
When my mouth let out an “ohm”
my arse let out a massive trump

I aspire to find tranquillity
Peace and calmness from within
But I know that silence would be ruined 
By me loudly breaking wind

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