First Love


Friday 12th October 2012
Dear First Love

I remember the first time we had sex. I wasn’t sure I was ready. You reassured me that we loved each other so it was right. You walked out straight afterwards.

“I don’t love you. I just wanted to shag you.”

You must have been so confused.

I remember when you gave me a lift to the hostel when I was kicked out at 18. 

 I was careless and dropped crisp crumbs on your car seat.

That was stupid of me. You had saved for ages to buy your Fiesta.

I could see your point when you pushed me out of the car, into the street with my bin bag full of clothes. You where so kind to take me half way there.

I was such a bitch the day I told you that I didn’t love you anymore, that must have hurt you. I understand why you shouted 

 “you fucking do love me. You do”.

I was mortified when you threatened to call the police on my husband today. He was pissed off that you sent a harmless flirty inbox message on Facebook.

 He called you a Paedophile, 

 a nonce, 

 a horrible bastard for treating a kid that way. 

 A teenager can’t abuse a teenager. That’s so ridiculous.

Of course, you denied guilt and accused him of verbal abuse.

“IF YOU FINGER A FOURTEEN-YEAR-OLD WITH A HAND YOU ARE OLD ENOUGH TO VOTE WITH YOU ARE A FUCKING NONCE!”

 That’s such an overreaction

Yours sincerely

Your mate's little sister


Saturday 27th October 2012

Dear First Love

The police just came to my house. Two female officers. They said my husband had been aggressive towards you again. They said he had unfairly accused you of abusing me. My husband told the police officers all the things I had told him throughout the years.

My age when we were first intimate
My poor mental health
My loneliness and craving for contact

The police ignored my husband’s words and focused on him threatening you.

I thought of my daughter. She is two years younger than me when you and I first met.
She is a child with a woman’s body, just like I was.

If a lad of 18 was to covet her, to pursue her; to touch her.
What the fuck? 

 My husband is right.

First love, you were so ugly that I was ok with our secrecy. I was already ripped enough in school, adding your face as another target would have been unbearable.
You looked like a sculpture of Jim Carey if he’d been shaped from hardened chewing gum scraped from a public bin.

You chose me because a clever, pretty girl and funny girl your own age would have told you to fuck off.....
..........and no, you weren’t in the secret police you weirdo.

Someone sent me a youtube link to your new band. They’re great. I’m a big fan of ‘The Wedding Singer’. 

Yes, I’m taking the piss.

Yours Sincerely
Woman with a clue

Thursday 19th October 2017

Dear First Love

I hope you know what you are

Yours sincerely




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