I Won't Mention Their Names


He didn’t ask me to come and see some puppies
He didn’t tempt me with a bag of penny sweets
He just acknowledged when self-hatred grew inside me,
He flattered me and wore me down to make my innocence retreat
*
He didn’t threaten or forcefully make me do things
At first he asked me round; just to watch TV
This led to mechanically complying to his really fucked up needs,
I let him pull apart the dignity in me
*
I returned to him with no coercion
I would stroll as if just calling ‘round for tea
I kept it as secret coz I knew that mum would never understand
why let him do such sickening things to me
*
He made me feel like I was wanted
The touching was bill I had to pay
You see my company was never something other people tried to win,
so I returned to him because he'd would let me stay
*
He asked me if my friend would come and join him
his desire had left so he was reaching out for change
He asked me to recruit her as she was prettier than me
My plain looks were no longer what he craved
*
It hurt to be rejected by a monster
My tattered self-esteem already in a mess
I wanted him to like me, that is the sickening part of this
That’s secret I find hardest to confess
*
I went to seek replacement of his contact
I grew friendly with some older boys in school
I offered duties while truanting that lads would rarely pass down
I performed things that few other girls would do
*
At thirteen I started messing around with men
At least half a decade above my underage
They saw the teen as forgivable as my womanhood was near
They didn’t care that my childhood was still in place
*
That behaviour stuck around until I met my husband
The first man who didn’t pressure me to touch
He liked me for stuff no-body else considered
He was the first man that I could truly trust
*
The impact may always try to haunt me
The sadness that has soiled me through the years
I know I’ve stopped it from guiding the decisions I now make
As those options always led to shedding tears
*
I wash my hands of the imprints cast upon me
I scrub away the evidence you left
I am me now, I choose to take my innocence again
And forgive you for your sad malignant theft

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