School Slag


I was slut shamed on Facebook by an old friend from school

He was fuming that I don’t share his white fascist views

He was aggressive and bitter; he called me snowflake and woke

Just because I’m not a tory and a thick racist bloke


He mocked me and accused me of dim witted beliefs

He's one of those who reckons migrants are employment thieves

My fella said shut up, fill your mouth with a gag

He replied “do you know that your wife was our school slag?”


I deleted and blocked him, but he continued to rant

About the times when I let a boy's hands in my pants

He exaggerated and said the lads were part of a queue

My mate sent me a screenshot of his venomous spew


How did he know about that illicit transaction,

On the golf course in a bush, 'twas my first outdoor action

There wasn’t a queue, maybe one quiet spectator

I was hardly a live porn exhibit creator


30 years after this leafy encounter,

The lad litters his page with accusatory slander

He shared sordid details of rumours he’d heard

About the things his mates done with this loose ginger bird


It must still have an impact, so he’s spilling this smut

He seems wounded that he couldn’t cop off with a slut

My self-esteem was obviously too big

To consider copping off that ugly prick 


He yelled promiscuity as if a new revelation

But my husband was aware of my 90s reputation

I met my fella in that decade, and he was really impressed

By a confident woman, who's fucking amazing in bed


So you married a virgin, that fair maiden was chaste?

But she’s repaid in sickness & health with a sad reprobate

I'm glad you received inbox message reviews

To let you know that you’re a tit for the bullshit you spewed


You’ve reminded me why I chose the bloke that I married

Who isn’t arsed about the previous titles I’ve carried

All you've proved is our classmates were totally right

I was thick being mates with a lad who talks shite


By Emma Seasman was Watkinson


School Slag (4th place, as there were many much more accomplished contenders for the title)  1993 - 95 and proud


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