It’s all in mi head!


What kind of car for my funeral? 
As if I'd care about that?
I should be shopping for Christmas 
not making post mortem plans
I’ve discovered I’m mortal before average age
I've written farewells to my family 
in case my surgery fails
🧠
There's this thing in my head
that shouldn’t have grown 
It’s caused havoc for years 
with the causes unknown
🧠
It's low grade, not fatal 
The big C's not in play
but a life time of swelling has sent my marbles astray
🧠
When I got diagnosed, 
I was gobsmacked and shocked
but relieved that they’d found it 
before my hinges fell off
🧠
‘cause I saw Disney and dinosaurs like I’d dropped LSD 
But I owed nothing to dealers 
I got my visions for free
🧠
I heard voices and noises 
but not the comforting kind 
as it burrowed inside me 
deconstructing my mind
🧠
What could I say to mi kids about this bothersome blob? 
They don’t need insensitive words falling out of my gob
‘cause the “T” word strikes fear 
so I called it a cyst
I’ll pretend they make drill holes 
and not a letterbox slit
🧠
They’ll chop through my eggshell 
to pull out the leech 
Maybe two operations if the scalpel won’t reach
🧠
“What songs at your funeral?” 
Now that's a hard choice to make. 
Should I pick poignant or funny as a final piss take?
🧠
Of course, Chesney was mentioned as a tribute to me 
“The One and Only” as I role down the furnace's wheels
🧠
In my gown we take bets 
on how long the op lasts
As my stomach was cramping 
from the 12 hour fast
🧠
They shaved off my hair 
to make an incision space
before they wheeled me into theatre 
masking fear on my face
🧠
I was asleep for the worst bit 
I had the easiest part
It was my family who struggled 
from first light 'til dark
🧠
I came ‘round from the op with a big swollen head
I looked like Sloth from The Goonies, so my little lad said
🧠
They’ve said I’ll never be “normal” 
‘cause my numbers fell out 
My memory is knackered 
and I can’t filter my mouth
🧠
But I’m alive and almost sane. 
I’ve had most of my crazy extracted 
Now it’s time to move on 
from that unwelcome
lobe squishing
mind altering 
B@ST@RD!

🧠


It's ten years (February 2012) since my surgery. I had a really posh rare brain tumour. Non cancerous, but still a shady get who squished my brain. After years of being a person classed as mentally ill; I found that a major contributor was this squatter in my brain.
I was told 2021 that there's zero regrowth and I don't need a scan for three years. The tumour has left it's mark with seizures, memory loss and a gob that can get me into trouble. 
It's also brought me some of the best friends I've ever had, a career that I love and the knowledge that even in my lowest times; I'm lucky to be here. 


Comments

  1. Unknown22 December 2021 at 13:46

    Loads of stuff made me laugh here. Chesney one and only as I role down furnaces wheels. Sloth from Goonies, numbers fell out can'tvfilter my mouth lol

    ReplyDelete
  2. Unknown22 December 2021 at 13:47

    Powerful as well. I can relate in a way due to having life changing surgery myself

    ReplyDelete

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